travel
I won't lie and pretend that I always felt this way about travelling.
Sometimes the distance made me nervous. Often the lack of a fully-formed plan made me protective (but later we indulged with silly beauty in this energy: getting lost and soaking in flooded fields because you were sure you'd seen some people ramble there from a passing bus once or twice. That was the plan, along with me knowing which direction East was). Occasionally a nervous voice from my inner child would question if you were leaving to escape me. But time and reflection and observation and honest conversation taught me that the person travelling does so for their own reasons.
Even if the reason is to put distance between themselves and you, it's not your job to stop them. If they want or need or are curious to find out what that feels like, to know how they are apart from you, in a new place (geographically, emotionally, spiritually) then love shouldn't stop them. Love should free them to do this. Love should let their friends, families and partners support them in their leaving.
And sometimes, of course, the only motive is pure exploration. "I don't know: let's find out."
I spent my 5th day in Prague exploring. The castle. The old town. Art shops. Alleyways. Some places you planned for us but ultimately couldn't make it to (somehow easier to admit after we had seen each other). Cakes like chocolate architecture. Coffee flights with quizzes to guess the farm from the flavour. A sketch of your colleague Saša. Restaurace "u Veverky" pretending to sell barbecued squirrels. A vintage shop with a school uniform from Conwy on a mannequin in the window. Cathedral. God is Gay graffiti right outside. Bright Jazz. Warm basement. Pickled camembert. TV tower. Dark cocktails. Cold hands. Warm skin.
"It's so nice not to be worrying about time or work." I told you.
Living with myself I realised many of the mistakes I had made. And I got to discover that you (and other wonderful people who are still here) loved me despite them.
Originally posted on 25th January 2024
